ADHD Parenting: How to Handle Bad Behavior Without Yelling
Parenting a child with ADHD can be incredibly challenging. Managing their bad behavior is difficult but can be achieved by following the advice in this article.
Do you sometimes feel like you're just one step away from a raging, out-of-control monster when dealing with your teen or tween with ADHD? It's not just you. Parenting a child with ADHD can be incredibly challenging, especially when it comes to handling the bad behavior that often comes along with the disorder. Unfortunately, many parents of kids with ADHD end up in similar situations: struggling to control their child's unruly behavior, finding themselves more and more frequently at their wit's end, and — worst of all — feeling like they are constantly on the edge of exploding. Because let's face it: Who likes yelling and ranting? No one.
But what if we told you that there is another way? There are many effective strategies to handle bad behavior without yelling and ranting, as well as strengthen your relationship with your teen or tween while doing so. Let's explore those.
Establish and Follow Clear Rules
Rules are the basic building blocks of any functional relationship, let alone one between parent and child. When you establish and follow clear rules with a child, two things happen: You both know what is expected, and you both know what the consequences will be if those expectations are not met. No more disputes over what is fair and what isn't. No more "but everyone else gets to do that!" tantrums.
Simply put: Rules bring clarity to the relationship and keep the lines of communication open. When it comes to setting rules with a child with ADHD, however, there are some additional factors that you need to keep in mind. The first is that kids with ADHD often have a difficult time following directions. This may be due to a lack of focus, impulsivity, forgetfulness, or a combination of these and other factors.
Take a Break When You Need One
When you feel the rage bubbling up inside you and your patience running out, it is time to take a break from the situation. It is important to realize that there is a difference between disciplining a child and getting frustrated out of anger at your child. Discipline is about correcting behavior and reinforcing positive behavior, while extreme anger is about venting your own frustrations.
When you notice that you are becoming stressed or out of control, take a break from the situation. Count backward from 100 while taking some deep breaths. Go for a short walk. Talk to a friend or family member and unload. Do something to relieve your stress so that you can return to your child in a calmer, more positive state of mind.
Make a Contract and Hold Your Teen Accountable
If your child with ADHD is old enough to understand the concept of contracts, you can make one with them that outlines the specific expectations and consequences for their behavior. A contract can be a very effective tool for managing bad behavior and promoting changes in behavior. A contract with your teen should include specific things like what is expected of your teen, what the consequences are if those expectations are not met when the contract ends (if there is an expiration date), and who will be responsible for monitoring the contract's progress.
Try Behavior Modification Strategies
Behavior modification strategies are all about reinforcing desired behaviors and ignoring the undesired ones. When dealing with bad behavior from a child with ADHD, this can be an incredibly effective tool. We often think of rewards as something positive that we give to children when they meet our expectations or do something positive. But rewards can be used in many different situations as a powerful tool for changing behavior as well.
For instance, let's say your child is supposed to complete a chore, but they forget to do it. You remind them to do it and remind them that they need to do it. If they still don't do it, you can use the reward system to reinforce the desired behavior by saying something like, "Rewards work better if you do what you have to do to get them." This way, your child knows they have to meet the expectations (in this case, complete their chore) to receive the reward.
Use Rituals and Rewards
Rituals and rewards are closely related: They are both positive behaviors that you want to see more of. The difference is that a ritual is used to reinforce positive but less frequent behaviors, while a reward is used to reinforce the desired behavior that happens more frequently. Rituals can be anything from a special dinner at the end of every week to celebrate a job well done to a short but special bedtime routine that you reserve for only your most well-behaved kids. Rewards, on the other hand, are special treats that you give your child when they have exhibited the desired behavior enough times to earn them.
Be Consistent
As we mentioned above, consistency is key when it comes to managing your child's behavior. Unfortunately, many parents of kids with ADHD try to be inconsistent with their expectations. If your child is finishing their homework as soon as they get home from school, but one day you let them go play outside for an hour because they forgot their homework, you are being inconsistent with your expectations. You want your child to know that you are consistent in the rules you set and the consequences you follow through with when they are not followed.
This helps your child feel safe and secure since they know what to expect. This is especially helpful when your child has ADHD because they crave consistency. When actions are consistent, they do not have to be constantly reevaluating their environment and what they should be expecting; they can simply relax and enjoy life.
Set a Positive Example
Your child is watching you and learning from you every single day. What message are they taking away when they see you yelling and ranting and getting frustrated with them? Are they learning that it is OK to yell and rant when they don't get their way? Or are they learning that it is not OK to act that way and that it is better to keep their emotions under control? No matter what type of parent you are — whether you're a strict disciplinarian, a fun-loving free spirit, or anything in between — if you are always yelling and ranting, your child is going to learn that this is the best way to handle problems.
Implement Consequences
If your child with ADHD is not meeting the expectations you have set for them — whether it is following their chore schedule or keeping their room clean — you will need to follow up with consequences. When it comes to consequences, what you do and how severe the consequences are will depend on the age of your child, their personality, and the specific rule they are breaking. For instance, if your child forgets to do their chores, you might put a hold on their allowance until they complete the chore or chores they have forgotten.
Don't Forget to Celebrate Successes!
On the other side of the coin, when your child is doing something right, make sure to let them know. When your child reaches a goal or completes a desired task, make sure to celebrate the success with them. When your child with ADHD is working toward a goal or overcoming a challenge, it is important for them to know that you are there for them and that you believe in them. By celebrating successes, you are reinforcing the idea that hard work pays off and that your child has what it takes to achieve their goals. This, in turn, helps your child feel good about themselves and confident in their abilities, which can be incredibly helpful for a child with ADHD.
Conclusion
Parenting a child with ADHD can be incredibly challenging. Managing their bad behavior and strengthening the relationship can be difficult, but it can be achieved by following the advice in this article. Establish and follow clear rules, take a break when you need one, make a contract and hold your teen accountable, try behavior modification strategies, use rituals and rewards, be consistent, set a positive example, and implement consequences. Don't forget to celebrate success, and you and your ADHD child will do just fine! Visit Kidsactivitypage.com to learn more about how to raise your kids and provide them with all the care and nurture that they need.
