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Separation anxiety in babies results from the emotional response to being away from a primary caregiver, usually the mother or father. The babies develop strong attachments to their caregivers, who provide daily sustenance, comfort, and security. When such a familiar figure is absent, even for a short period, the baby might feel quite exposed, apprehensive, and uncertain.
Separation anxiety is related to a baby's mental and emotional development. For several months after birth, a newborn baby has no conception of permanence; once something or someone is out of sight, they consider they have ceased to exist. This is the reason behind the fact that very young infants are apparently not likely to suffer from separation anxiety. As they develop and the brain matures, however, they begin to learn that people and objects still exist, even when hidden. This marks a landmark in cognitive development called object permanence, and it initiates separation anxiety.
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A baby will start to react with distress when a separation takes place once they realize that their parents can leave and exist elsewhere. Your little one may feel anxious when you leave the room, unable to know if and when you will return. It may be a troubling phase, but it is a good sign of healthy development emotionally and cognitively.
Separation anxiety does not usually appear in newborns but starts developing between 6 to 8 months of age. This is when babies begin to grasp the concept of object permanence and recognize that their caregivers can leave them. During this time, they become more aware of their surroundings and the people around them, increasing their preference for familiar faces.
At around 9 to 12 months, separation anxiety often becomes more intense. Babies may cry or become clingy when their caregiver leaves, even briefly. This period is particularly challenging because babies also become more mobile—crawling or even attempting to walk—which can make them more anxious about being separated from their caregivers.
For some babies, separation anxiety can peak between 12 to 18 months, when they are still learning to regulate their emotions. By this stage, toddlers may experience separation anxiety in more situations, such as when a parent drops them off at daycare, leaves them with a babysitter, or puts them down for bed.
Separation anxiety starts to fade by age 2 or 3 as toddlers become more independent and confident in navigating their surroundings. By this age, they also develop a better understanding of time, which helps them realize that when a parent leaves, they will return.
However, it is essential to note that separation anxiety can resurface at different developmental stages, particularly during major life changes such as starting daycare, moving to a new home, or the arrival of a new sibling. If a child continues to show intense distress beyond the toddler years, it may be helpful to consult a pediatrician to rule out any underlying anxiety disorders.
Being among the most hallmarks of night separation anxiety increase from crying, fussing, or perhaps resistance when bedtime approaches. A baby that was once absolutely calm and peaceful when it was time to head for bed might suddenly protest: crying as soon as it is put in a crib or refusing to settle. This behavior occurs during the period where babies start linking sleep with separation, the moment they feel some form of separation with their caregivers; anxiety sneaks in, and it takes their ability to relax and sleep.
Another significant indication of separation anxiety making itself felt at night is that those babies who used to sleep through the night now wake up repeatedly multiple times. This waking is no longer just in answer to hunger, dirty diaper, or discomfort; it now becomes an insistent search for reassurance by a caregiver. They may cry or call out until their parent attends, and too often to get back to sleep without the comfort they really need.
They become especially clingy and attached during sleep hours, perhaps the most definitive signs that separation anxiety is drawing close in development. They might just scream their lungs out, cling to you for dear life, or demand extra rocking or nursing in place of proceeding quietly through their bedtime routine. Getting them set down in their crib tends to be a bigger challenge than moving from your hold and putting them down. That extra clinginess is one clear indication that your baby is feeling insecure about being left alone and is extending time with you.
A baby experiencing nighttime separation anxiety may let out a cry of distress the moment a caregiver leaves the room. You can see it even when the baby is not asleep-she may cry and reach out for you because she has not settled yet when she has been placed in the crib while still awake. For some babies, just the light turning off or a step toward the door is enough to send them into a panic. They're learning that you can leave them, and then the fear of separation attached becomes enormous.
Most of the babies with separation anxiety do not seem to be very good at self-soothing their way back to the sleep they once had at night. Instead of learning to turn and go back to sleep once they wake up, they cry out for a caregiver to come back to them. Most times they will have to be rocked, patted, or even picked up before they can feel secure enough once again to fall asleep. This leads to sleepless nights for parents, who feel that they must always be at the "beck and call" of the baby.
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One of the best ways to help your baby overcome separation anxiety is by introducing short, manageable periods of separation during the day. Start by leaving them with a trusted caregiver for a few minutes and gradually increase the time. For example, you can leave the room while they play and reassure them when you return. This practice helps your baby learn that separations are temporary and that you will always return. Over time, their confidence will grow, making longer separations easier to handle.
To assure your little one, consistently rely on a simple yet general farewell ritual. Perhaps hugging, kissing, and saying, "I'll be back soon," suggested that leaving is quite normal and momentary. Keep those short and sweet, however-control avoiding overly long and hesitating time that would magnify anxiety for your child. If you leave confidently, your baby will feel reassured and less distressed.
Babies are susceptible to their caregivers' emotions. If you seem nervous, guilty, or upset when leaving, your baby would pick that behavior up and get much more anxious about the whole thing. Remain calm yet confident when reassuring. Cheerful goodbye coupled with a relaxed demeanor will help your baby understand that it's nothing to worry about. It will teach him that indeed there are parts of life wherein you must leave, but these are not things that should be feared.
Let your baby have opportunities to play all alone while you are around. Start by sitting close to him/her while he/she plays, then gradually move some distance away. He/she will get accustomed to entertaining himself/herself with time without requiring continued physical contact with a person.
Most babies incorporate a well-known stuffed animal, blanket, or another named object into a feeling of safety that can be soothing for them when their caregiver is not around. Introducing the comfort object can give you that sense of security when the baby separates, such as at bedtime or when being left with a babysitter. Under one year old, make sure that it is sleep-safe by not having anything that could suffocate it.
A predictable and calming bedtime routine can signal to your baby that it is time to sleep. This routine might include a warm bath, a bedtime story, gentle rocking, and soft lullabies. By following the same sequence of events each night, your baby will begin to feel more secure and understand that bedtime is a normal part of the day.
If your baby wakes up crying due to separation anxiety, it is important to comfort them—but without creating a dependency on your presence. Instead of picking them up immediately, try soothing them with a gentle pat on the back or soft words of reassurance. Gradually reduce the amount of intervention you provide so that they learn to settle themselves back to sleep.
Leaving your odor on something like a shirt you have worn recently will increase a sense of security for the child. The comfort of the familiar scent will soothe a child into believing that you are somehow there, even if you are not physically present. This is especially beneficial for babies who are strongly attached to particular caregivers.
Most babies sleep better when the environment is steady and soothing. For those little ones, white noise machines can be handy in blocking out household sounds that might be bothersome, whereas dim nightlights can help prevent total darkness from being frightening. These tiny additions to the baby's sleep routine can go a long way in making the environment calming and reassuring.
Teaching your baby to drift off to sleep alone is an important aspect to take in battling separation anxiety at night. Place them in the crib when drowsy but not asleep. This will allow them to learn how to fall asleep on their own without being rocked, nursed, or held. Over the course of some time, they will learn how to become independent sleepers, thereby decreasing their night-waking due to separation anxiety.
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Separation anxiety is a normal stage in the development of most babies. Though this stage can surely be trying for both parent and child, there are gentle and consistent ways to teach security to a little one. With time, reassurance, and a soothing bedtime routine, a baby will ultimately learn to peacefully sleep while knowing their caregiver will always return.
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